Thursday, April 22, 2004
I like nipples.
I have two of them, and both of them are hardening.
As
we
speak.
My nipples are hairy.
Like a little forest on top of a mountain.
In the valley is nothing.
No forest.
Just empty.
Then, further down.
...
...
...
A big ass boner.
Posted at 04:20 pm by DailyTragedy
Friday, April 16, 2004
Boners.
It's all about boners.
You want 'em, ladies?
Then I got 'em.
I got all kinds of boners.
Rock hard ones. Softees. Flexible not to hard but not soft, either. I can make 'em flip yo' ass.
Boners?
I got 'em.
I can say boners all day.
Boners.
Boners.
Erectile dysfuntion?
Not me.
I got the boners.
I got
what
you
want
ladies.
BONERS.
BONERS.
These are some of my BONERS sizes:
regular and Delicious
Meaty
Big and Meaty
Chokerific
SUPERBONER
That's right.
Boners.
Posted at 06:37 am by DailyTragedy
Monday, March 08, 2004
I'm Sorry Sir, uh, Ma'am, I'm... SORRY!
oops!
Oh! Excuse me sir, I didn't mean to bump into you!
Oh! I am mistaken...! You are not a sir!
You are a ma'am!
I just figured that since you have a man's haircut and man's shoes I...
No! Of course you are ALLOWED to wear those things It's just I...
No! No No No! You have me wrong! Just because you LOOK like a man, I mean...
Not BAD or anything but not MANNISH I mean you ARE a woman...
Well, MEN wear that kind of haircut, you know, short trimmed military, very MASCULINE...
NO! Of course! You are a woman it's just...
Look! There's no need to be mad at me... I mean it's a SIMPLE MISTAKE, sir!
Uh, ma'am...
Ok! Miss! I'll call you miss!
That's not good enough either? THen what would...
But how would I KNOW your name before I accidently bumped into you that's ridiculous! How can I call you by your NAME...
Yes, we ALL have names and not just honorifics suck as Mr. or Ms...
I said "suck?" I meant SUCH.
Look, it's just another misunderstanding and quite frankly, you're not making this ANY EASIER by looking the way you do...
of COURSE you are allowed to wear what you want we live in a free country...
I said COUNTry! I did NOT call you a CUNT!
$$$private thought$$$though now that you mention it$$$$
THIS IS RIDICULOUS! I don't have TIME for these exchanges!
Hey! There's no need for that kind of language!
Boy!
NO! That's just an expression! You are OBVIOUSLY misunderstanding EVERYTHING!
I mean, GEEZE!
Yes! Yes! Fine! You caught me! "GEEZE" is short for Jesus Christ! Fine! I'm religiously and sexually and everything elseally INSENSITIVE!
Now! If you excuse me...! I am suffering from a self inflicted testicle wound and am about to pass out from the pain! Good DAY, sir!
Yeah, well...
EAT ME!
Posted at 08:21 am by DailyTragedy
Friday, March 05, 2004
Oh! IS NOTHING SACRED!
I have been punished!
I am fishing around in my pants and...
and...
THERE'S A LUMP! IN MY TESTICLE!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
And my prostate aches...!
This lump is disquieting...
to say the least!
I'm feeling around right now and I ... I...
I must have IGNORED IT for a while because the lump is
REALLY REALLY BIG.
How could I have missed it for so long...?
I PLAY WITH MYSELF EVERYDAY!!!
OH! THE IGNOMINY! I will have to undergo the Kemo!
What kind of therapy makes you throw up?
Truly! I am in big trouble! For I have IGNORED my aching testicles!
My goodness...! It is the size of a baseball!
AND JUST AS HARD.
Please! Will someone take care of it!
I am on my own...
I guess... I will LANCE IT! And EXTRACT it ONCE and for ALL!!!
I have a knife in my hand!
*H*e*R*e*I*g*O*!*
yeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrggggggggghhhhhhh!!!
Oh! The pain! I have lanced it and now my boys are unrecognizable!
There is blood everywhere! Please!
Hand me a roll of paper towels!
BOUNTY PLEASE! NOT THE CHEAP KIND.
Oh... oh... the throbbing ache has replaced the throbbing sharp pains...
I am going numb...
.......th...e...b...loo...d...
...
help? me?
Posted at 06:21 am by DailyTragedy
Thursday, March 04, 2004
Attention Defic... Wow! Look at That!
Help! I have attention deficit disorder!
I can't keep my mind on anything!
Not for long! Anyway!
I was thinking about lunch!
What was I thinking about before!
This is causing difficulties!
They should call it Attention Difficulty Disorder!
It would still be ADD!!
Wow! Look at my testicles!
They ARE SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Hairy!
I've never SEEN such a forest! Not outside Narnia, anyway!
Would everyone like to see the magical forest!
Oh no! I've lost my train of thought!
Trains! WOO! WOO!
chuggachuggachuggachuggachuggachuggaWOOOO!! WOOOO!!!
I'm on a train!
Help! I'm on a train to nooooowheeeere!
What was I saying? Oh yeah!
I'm on a train!
Help!
Posted at 03:45 am by DailyTragedy
Wednesday, March 03, 2004
Help! This is a true crime!
I can't stop masturbating!
Oh! How I tried to stop!
The pull is inevitable!
I typing with one hand RIGHT NOW!
And I can't stop! Help! I have autosexuality issues!
I AM MY OWN BEST LOVER!
Here comes another load!
iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wheew!
Oh no!
I'm starting again!
See! It's a horrible affliction!
I must be stopped!
THE WHOLE OF WESTERN CIVILIZATION DEPENDS ON MY STOPPING MY YANK YANK YANK FETISH!
HEEEEELLLLLLPPP!!
I'm in the throes of self-love!
It's lonely on Valentines Day!
Posted at 06:41 am by DailyTragedy
Tuesday, March 02, 2004
Hey! What's doing? I'm ITCHY! You know...
DOWN THERE.
I slept with a prostitute last night! It was great!
But now...
I HAVE AN ITCH.
You know...
d*o*w*n*t*h*e*r*e
AND I'M IN A COMMITTED, LOVING RELATIONSHIP!
But not with the prostitute!
My fiancee will KILL ME!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm running to the bathroom! I'm pulling down my pants!
OH NO! I have Big Red Splotchy Rashy Things Around My Pee-HOLE!
Help! What'll I do?!? I can't stop scratching them! It ITCHES!
How could this be worse?????
It's my WEDDING NIGHT! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
We must consumate our wedding vows!!!
Tonight!
She'll see my splotchyness! And that'll be that!
EVERYTHING WILL BE OUT IN THE OPEN!!!!!!!
I must cover it up!
But oooooooooooooooooo!!! It ITHCHES SO MUCH I CAN"T STOP SCRATCHING!!!
How can I stop! ? !
AHHHHHHHH!!! Some Jergens Lotion! Slather me, Snippy!
ooooooooooo...
That's SOOOOO niiiiiiice...
OH NO!! It's causing a chemical reaction!
NOW THE RASH IS TURNING PURPLY AND PUS IS COMING OUT!
My THINGY! It's gangrenous!
GET ME A DERMATOLOGIST! IT'S and EmerGenCY!!
OH! NO! Large chucks of groin skin are plopping off me! CURSE YOU, JERGENS LOTION!
GENTLEMAN'S CLUB MY ASS!!
Help! My fiancee is at the door! She wants to come in!
What'll I do!
I'm RUINED!!
Won't someone help me?
Posted at 04:29 am by DailyTragedy
Monday, March 01, 2004
He'p me! He'p me! Sping is he'e!
I have awe'gies! The powen! It fwies up my noze!
My sinuses a'e expwotink! I can'd he'p but SNEEZE!
*AH********
CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!***
oh no! bwood! bwood is pou'ing out my node!
I tink I'm dywing! Da bwood! It won'd sdop fwowing out!
he'ea comez anodder sneeze...
**AAHHH*****
******AHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH*********
****
CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!***
Oh Wowhd! My bwain! It dislodged! I can'd tink stwait!
and da bwood! did I menshun da bwood???!! It POUWS OUT MY NODE!
And I have no tizzues!! I get bwood aw oveh my cwoze!!
He'p me! Why won'd anybody he'p me!
Bwing me a tizzue! I tink my BWAIN is coming out!
oh no! anooder sneeze! Dis might be my las' momeh't on EARF!!
*AHHHHHHHHHHHH*****
**AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH****
****HHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH***********
**************
CHOOOOOOO!!
MY BWAIN! IZ ON DA FLOO'H!! HE'P ME!! HE'P MEEE!!!!
Posted at 05:53 am by DailyTragedy
Saturday, February 28, 2004
Oh no! I have to go on the public bus in the city! And people want to sit NEXT to me!
I'm entering the bus! There are only a few seats! Where can I sit!?!
Ahhh! An empty seat! With no one sitting next to me! PERFECT!
Ahhh! No one will EVER bother me here!
Oh! nO! We've stopped! What's going on?!
I have to get to my destination! Do you hear me?
This looks like a bad neighborhood! Don't stop here! Go! Go ! G*O*!
A hobo is getting on the bus! And... and...
He looks RETARDED!
He'll want to sit next to me!
$$$Private Thought$$$pleasepleasepleasedon'tsitnexttome!!!!$$$
AHHHH! He's stopping in front of my seat! The bus is starting to move!
He's going to sit next to me and I CAN SMELL HIM FROM HHHHEEEEEERRRRREEEE!!!
gag!
He's sitting next to me! What'll I do what'll I DO?
Please go away! You smell like street people!
AND THEY DON'T SMELL GOOD!
Oh no! What if I smell bad just by sitting next to him! What if he...
AGGGG!!! His THIGH is brushing up against me! I'm stinky now!
He's OBVIOUSLY DISEASED!
Now he fell asleep!
AND I HAVE TO GET OFF THE BUSSSSSSS!!!
Please sir! Please! Please get up! It's my stop and I have to get off the bus oh please wake up you smelly hobo man! please wake up Mr. drunky drunky!
Ahh! He won't move! My MIND POWERS can't wake him! My thoughts are USELESS!!
And the bus is pulling away! I have to go! Please!
I AM MISSING my destination!
Oh! Please! Won't somebody help me?
Why is everyone laughing? Why do I see this with my eyes!
HEEEELLLLLLPPPPPPPPP!!!!
Posted at 04:14 am by DailyTragedy
Friday, February 27, 2004
My Testicles Are On Fire!
Help! O my goodness! Help!
My TESTICLES are on fire!
They're burning! They're on fire! I can feel my pubic hairs m*e*l*t*i*n*g awaaaaaay!
Please! Someone! Get me a bucket of ice water! My testicles! They're on FIRE!
Yay! A bucket! Thank goodness! I'm saved!
Ahhh....
OH NO! It's not a bucket of ice water!
It's a... It's a...
BUCKET OF GASOLINE!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am engulfed in flames! My testicles! They're still burning!
I need a bucket of water! Oh Please! Why won't anybody do anything?!?
Another bucket! I'm suspicious...
But I have no time because my testicles are on fire!
I...must...put...my...testicles...in...the...bucket!
Here goes!
AeeeiiiiII!!!!!IIIIIEEEE!!!!!IIIIIIAAAAAA!!!!!EEEEEIIIIII!!!!!
It's sulfuric acid! Get me some BACTINE! PLEASE PEOPLE!!!
GET ME BACTINE!!!
Ahhhhh! Yes! Someone with Spray-On Bactine Solution! Hit me, Snippy!
woooooooooooooo!!
ah yes....
ah yes.
ah.
yesssssssssssssssssssssss...........
Posted at 09:32 am by DailyTragedy
